Sunday, January 31, 2010


Lately I feel as though everyone around me is in some state of despair. There is something wrong. Now I am pretty sure everyones life at every time has something wrong with it but I feel like it is more than that. It is something that is eating them at the core. I know I may come off as a cynic most of the time but seeing the people around me getting eaten up inside is killing me. I feel like I am trapped behind an invisible wall of pain that I can't break. I want to help everyone but it seems like I just can't. No matter how hard I try to break down the barriers and create a bond with people I just can't. It is killing me not to help. I also feel like there is a wall inside myself. I can't find the one thing that is hurting me the most no matter how hard I look inside myself. I am trying to come closer to God and I feel like I am but I still feel distance. I have a good relationship but I still feel like there is something I am not seeing. I have a wonderful family but there is an under layer of pain I just can't break through. I find myself scared for those around me and myself as well. I see people walking down the street and wonder if I just knew them if I could help them in some way. The other mis-fits like me that I should be helping. People that I should be comforting. I find myself wondering if I have been to self absorbed that I have missed something along the way. I find myself scared. Scared of where my negligence may take people. My relationships. My loves. My life.

I need to find a way to break this wall.