Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The shaming of young mothers and wives...

I don't know if I will be able to put this as thoughtfully and eloquently as it is in my head, but I will give it a shot.

Ever sense I could remember when someone asked me what I wanted to be, or what I wanted to do when I grew up, I always answered with "Get married and have children" and I always got a negative response.

People assume that because someone is young they couldn't possibly know that they want to get married, let alone have children but I think this is so silly. This idea that we should shame young mothers and young wives needs to end. I understand that if you're in highschool or even college and get pregnant on accident that it can be very difficult and there will always be challenges to both marriage and children but I don't believe that just because you're younger than 30 that it should be so outlandish to want that life.

On the topic of marriage: The first thing that people about young people getting married is that they will be a different person in a few years, and you know what? That is absolutely true. But that statement will still be true no matter what age you are when you get married. Whether you are 20, 40 or 60 you will be a different person in a few years than you are today. The thing about choosing your life partner is that you will love EVERY person that they become.

I do not personally believe that there is one "soul mate" for all of us out there. I believe that we find our intimate partners by a delicate balance of emotional connection/personality, physical attraction and the presence/aura of another person. I think there are hundreds upon hundred of people that can match up and fall in love and live happily ever after and I think that if you get married you will fall in and out of love a million times over. The thing about marriage is that you are making a promise to be with them through the hard times, even through the times it feels like there is no love left. Marriage will not always feel like the butterflies in your stomach, sometimes it will be an ache in your chest. SO if you feel like you're ready to make that commitment, then your age shouldn't have to be taken into account.

On the topic of babies: I'm saying this from a perspective of someone who does not currently have a living child, so before you say anything like 'You have no idea what its like to have a child." or "You have no idea the kind of responsibility it takes to raise a baby" I get that. I do.

But coming from someone who had it so close in her grasp and lost it. I do 100% know that I want a baby. I always have and after losing my own I know now more than ever.

Being a mother is something that I believe I was born to do. I'm not saying I believe I should have one know or that I'll ever be ready because I don't think anyone is ever really ready for that kind of thing but I do know that its something I am so passionate about and something I want so badly, so you can imagine how hurtful it is to me that whenever I share this information with someone I get nothing but negative feedback, more so after I came out as lesbian. Constantly being told that I don't know what I want, that I would be throwing my life away, that I would be damaging a child but how dare you say that having a beautiful new life would be throwing anything away or that my love would damage a child. Nothing in this world, no amount of money, no man or woman, no dream career could ever come close to the happiness of having a child. I still have a pain in my chest everytime I see a child that would be my baby's age or a new born like the one I never got to hold. I know that one day I'll have my day and I really hope that people would stop shaming the young for wanting what they want.

I don't really know that I got my thoughts out the way that I wanted to but I had to try because it has been bothering me a lot lately.

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