point of view...

is a funny thing. Because one person could see a situation in one way and another in a completly different way. Now both parties would never back down and say that maybe, just maybe they were wrong. So it is a never ending fight that will never get better.

I have tried and tried to understand the point of view of the person that got me pissed enough to write this blog. But I will never understand how he could be so caring to those he doesn't know, but so hateful to those that should matter the most.

From where I stood for most of my childhood he was my hero, my partner. He was my safty net. But all that doesn't seem to matter and I wonder if it ever truely did.

All of those times, all of those memories, all of that love. Gone. Lost in a world of late nights and talk of theologigal nonsense. Lost in repeat after repeat of the same failed episode. Will he ever get the picture? Will he ever see that maybe it just won't work out and he should try to work towards making it right with the people that try and try to give him chance after chance.

I have tried to keep looking over it. But I don't think I can anymore. Because I can NOT continue to get hurt over and over. I will not become cold hearted to love. I will not become him.

the supernatural...

can be a very scary and amazing thing. There is so much going on in the world hidden to the human eye. There is a battle out there and we only experiance bits and pieces. I don't konw much about it, but I know it's out there and it's powerful...

God is working, and he is working hard. Along with his army. And his enemy...

It is a scary place and a scary time. But it also is an amazing thing.

God....

I don't think I give God enough credit. I mean I really don't try and spread the word. I always thought I was a strong believer but I'm really not. I mean I screw up pretty royally all the time, but he has blessed me with an AMAZING life. I mean I gotta give him props. I have an awesome family and friends, and boyfirend. But all I do is complain about how I'm so mean and how I don't have enough friends. When I can change myself if I try hard enough and maybe if I did so people would actually like me. Not to mention things could be way worse. So even if things stay the way they are, I think I have it pretty good. And I really do enjoy worshiping him, I guess I should just do it more personally and more often.

Thank you, God. And I'm sorry it took me so long to do so.


At least I found him again in joy, instead of sadness.

Inspiration...

Is an amazing thing. I mean one day you are living an ordinary life. Just taking it day by day but then WHAM!
Out of no where you are excited about life, about the things you pushed away. i pushed away so much this past year and didn't give it a thought. I wasted so much time! But now I'm taking it back, I'm inspired, I'm excited! I am writing again, and now I am dancing again. I forgot the rush, and the excitement it brought me. I forgot the pure adrenaline when you do something that you love. It is the most amazing feeling and I am so glad I have it back. I am so glad I have begun to do the things that REALLY truely make me happy. I have been just living day by day with out REAL inspiration without love and passion.

I now have it back, I now have my love and my passion! My thrills.

I can't wait to see what will come of this. I feel alive again, and I pray to God this won't fade away.
I know you guys (not that anyone actually reads this crap) will get sick of hearing this. But I owe most of my inspiration to Jordan. He is everything I have needed. I can't thank him enough for all he has done for me. He is has opened my eyes to all that I have pushed away and I don't even think he understands how awesome he is for doing this for me.
I feel on top of the world right now....

I'm sorry.

I have come to realize that I need to make a change. I really do. I am so horrible to those who truly mean the world to me. I don't understand why I do it. But I don't want to. I really really don't.

My family: I can't even start to thank yall enough. You have given me everything, I thank my lucky starts for having a family as great as you guys. Mom and Dad, you are amazing. Tyler and Tim are so typically big brothers and I couldn't ask for more, they have there ups and downs but if it came down to me needing them they would help me. Emily, you are awesome, we may fight but I feel I can confide in you. and Aimee, gosh. She is so creative and inspiring. I'm sorry guys...

Kaitlyn: You have been my best friend for the longest I have ever had a bestfriend. You have stuck through all my crap. I can't thank you enough for not giving up on me. Thank you for so much. I'll try and be better.

Jordan: You are everything I want and need. I love you so much...I'm so sorry for not being better to you. And thank you so much for not giving up on me. You are amazing to me. Thank you so much for inspiring me...

Greg: I'm kind of a jerk to you but you're a jerk to me too. that is just kind of how we roll. You will probably always be in my life. So thanks for being my friend even if it's hard. We needed to have each other in our lives...

I haven't changed...

Throughout the life that I remember most, I have always been this little girl who is an old soul struggling with the weight of the world.
I have always been this sarcastic, know-it-all bitch. This cynical girl. But underneath I was compassionate, and loving and loved all things creative, and fun and beautiful.
All I ever wanted was to be just that, beautiful, and not just physically, emotionally and spiritually beautiful.

And still I want nothing more out of life. I want people to see my beauty and love and compassion.
But for some reason, I have this shell. I have no reason for it. I have no horrible child hood stories of abandonment or death of a loved one or lived with any disease. I'm just sad and hopeless.

And even though I have lived my whole life with people who love and care about me I felt alone.
Because for some reason, I can't get past this horrible wall I have built to guard the kindness hidden in me.
Because I do care, and I do love.
And all I want is for people to see that.

Screw you too...

So guess that plan won't work.
I really don't know what to write about...


I'm kind of feeling secretly hated...AGAIN.
haha. But I also feel like things are progressing.
I have gotten rid of the baggage of my last relationship and couldn't be happy with my current one.

Jordan has REALLY done me good.
I feel like the old Anna that I have tried to get back for so long, but I still feel like I am growing and moving forward.
He inspires me and from what I gather I inspire him too.
Me and him just meet in the middle and we balance each other out instead of drag each other down.
He is my bestfriend as well as my boyfriend and it really is good for me! :D

On another note, I'm really excited about life in general.
I feel like I will actually do something in this world, hell I might even make a difference.
I might inspire more people!

Well anyway, I don't really know what else to say, but my other offer for telling me what to write about is still out there.
So feel free! :D