Throughout the life that I remember most, I have always been this little girl who is an old soul struggling with the weight of the world.
I have always been this sarcastic, know-it-all bitch. This cynical girl. But underneath I was compassionate, and loving and loved all things creative, and fun and beautiful.
All I ever wanted was to be just that, beautiful, and not just physically, emotionally and spiritually beautiful.
And still I want nothing more out of life. I want people to see my beauty and love and compassion.
But for some reason, I have this shell. I have no reason for it. I have no horrible child hood stories of abandonment or death of a loved one or lived with any disease. I'm just sad and hopeless.
And even though I have lived my whole life with people who love and care about me I felt alone.
Because for some reason, I can't get past this horrible wall I have built to guard the kindness hidden in me.
Because I do care, and I do love.
And all I want is for people to see that.
Anna--you are amazing. You know yourself well, better than most at your age, certainly better than I did, and that is a gift. Keep learning about you, and never consider yourself done, cause you never will be. And that is an ever better gift.
ReplyDeleteLove, Aunt Debbie